Coming Back

It has been a while blog family. To be honest, MANY things have happened over the past few months. I had a scary, life-threatening car accident, my husband turned 30, we received our first foster care placement (a 4-year-old boy), my husband started a new job where he travels often, and there have been changes in my job/career. It’s been a whirlwind. Some of these things have been positive, some have been negative, and some have been both. But I have definitely learned a lot about myself and about my God throughout this whole process.

While healing from the car accident, I began to have a pulling in my heart. An uneasy feeling deep inside, but then other times a peace would come over me. I felt like he was trying to get me to rest, to take a break, to be present in my own life. I sometimes feel as though I had the accident in order to learn to rest. I definitely experienced a decrease in anxiety while healing, which was an unexpected joy. But during this time, I decided to seek out spiritual counseling through my church.

I began seeing a counselor in July while I was still healing, and I am currently still seeing her less regularly. She has helped me in many ways; some of them simple, and some of them large. She has told me to “sit with what the Lord is doing,” ask Him what he is up to in my life, and to be okay with saying no and having boundaries when needed. She taught me that I don’t have to manage people’s emotions and that an idol I have is my reputation or what people think of me. Things that seem very simple and obvious but that I didn’t understand about myself. 

Through working with my counselor and staying in God’s word daily, I have heard Him speak many things to me. One of them being rest. Rest in Him. Trust Him with my life regarding my relationships, my future, my reputation, and my desires. Through trusting Him, I can rest. I can stop trying so hard. Giving Him control is something I didn’t realize I struggled with, but man, it is really hard. Every time I struggle, I remember this verse:

You make known to me the path of life;
    in Your presence there is fullness of joy;
    at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Psalms 16:11

Remembering that being with Him gives joy and that He will guide me throughout my life. I never experience anything, good or bad, alone. In Him, there is peace and pleasures, which is what my heart desires. He knows me and created me. Surely, He will guide me. If I rest in Him and His goodness, I can have joy and peace. 

I really want that promise. I struggle every day with trusting Him with different aspects of my life as I humanly believe I know what is best for my life. But I will continue to give things to Him, and I will choose to trust that He has my life. I can rest, and it feels wonderful.